September 4th is a hard day for Paula and I. This is the day 48 years ago when our first child died after only living two days. She was perfect when she was born, with a head full of dark hair and a beautiful little face.
When she got sick, I didn’t know what to do, or how to handle the situation. I was still just a kid, short of 20 years old by a month and a half.
We visited her grave on Sunday and got to talking about her. Paula had the thought… What if she had lived? What if?
If she had lived, everything we are now as a family, and everything we know would be totally different. Totally.
It’s like the plot from so many different science fiction movies and television shows, where someone goes back into the past and changes an event. Someone dying. Someone getting married or even just getting sick.
Then, when they get back to the future, in their own time, things are so totally different that it’s beyond belief. It’s like the “butterfly” effect that everyone talks about. That’s the theory where if a butterfly flaps its wing hard halfway around the world, it can call large scale changes eventually. It’s a little bit of a complex theory, but pertinent in this case. The “Chaos” theory.
The effects of our daughter living would have been tremendous. Would we have had more children? I’m sure we would, because we wanted a family
We certainly would have waited past 1972, when our wonderful daughter Kirsten was born though. She would have never existed, because when we decided to have another child it would have been at another point in time. The child we would have made would have had a totally different genetic makeup.
Therefore, there would probably been no Kirsten and Stacy…no sweet little Rue, Livy or Jessy. It would have been a “different” family….perhaps anyway. Stacy’s the same age as Karrie Lynn would have been…
Yes, I’m sure we would have had more children, but they wouldn’t have been Ted and Matt.
Would I have stayed in Athens and worked at Westinghouse, instead of moving to Trion and raising our family there? Would we have moved to Idaho? Who knows what could have happened.
The changes would have been far reaching, but….if Karrie Lynn had lived we would have never known any differently . We would have loved her and raised her the best we could, along with whoever came along as brother or sister. We would have been just as happy, I’m sure, because it would have been what was meant to be. We’d never have known what we’ve known now as our life.
What was meant to be…….happened as it happened though.
I would loved for our first child to have lived and had a life beyond two days, but as I said in a post I wrote a few months back, that two days was her life. It was her entire life.
I love my family just as they are. None of us are perfect, and I’ve certainly made mistakes in some of the steps I’ve taken in life, but I would not change my life….not one iota of it. When I am gone, it will be as it was meant to be, and I want everyone know right now, I have loved my life and everyone in it.
I believe then I’ll see our first daughter again somehow, in some manner and that meeting will be joyous beyond description.