Day: August 2, 2019

Our brains are extremely complex organisms, which are still largely unexplored in many areas. One area that intrigues me is the subconscious or unconscious thought process which takes place when we sleep. I guess most people call it “dreaming” There are dreams, and then there are DREAMS. I think they take many different forms and possibilities.

I surely wish I could remember everything I had ever dreamed. Sort of like having a little “hard drive” built in to my brain where I could push the “save” button every time I start to go to sleep. I also wish that I could dream some of the things I WANT to dream about. I wish we could dictate to our brains the “script” of what we want to start out with in our dreams, and let them go forward from there. One thing I really wish I could dream about is running.

I have been exercising quite a lot lately. I started about 5 weeks ago and I have worked my way up to 45 minutes on the treadmill at 3.1 mph and an elevation of 1.0 I know that’s not much for most people, but for someone who’s had two heart attacks, 4 bypasses and one stent….it ain’t bad. I still have to be careful and not let my heart rate get above a certain point, so there is one treadmill that I always use which has a really good heart monitor. So, I’m walking pretty quickly but not running.

I would just love to be able to run across the country, sort of like Forrest Gump did. Running on and on and seeing things that I have never seen before. Taking the time to appreciate things which I have never appreciated before. Chances are slim of me ever running again in real life. Not for very long anyway.

I have started sleeping better since I have been exercising, but I used to lay awake for hours previously.

My wife and I always listen to music at night, and a few weeks ago as I was trying very hard to sleep, I began to actually see the musical notes in my mind. I was listening to Enya I think, and on all of the notes I saw silver and gold patterns in my head. The chords were like sunbursts and moon glow. The voice of the singers, which was angelic in nature, flowed through my mind like a deep blue river, rushing towards the ocean. No, I was NOT on anything! This was dreaming, and it was the strangest and most wonderful dreaming I can remember in quite a long, long time. I wasn’t deep asleep; I was just sort of in a land somewhere far enough away from reality for things to be ecstatically good. I am not sure that I will ever get a repeat of the “unreal” concert. I didn’t want to “wake up” I finally snapped out of that vision…even though I could have stayed in it for a long, long time.

On a very rare occasion, I dream of times past and of people who are now gone from this life. You would think this might be a more common type of dream. But, for me at least, it is very uncommon. I think maybe you have more and more of the dreams like this as you get older, because more of the people you have loved and known in your life start to leave. I dream of my Grandmother occasionally, most of the time in the kitchen cooking! I can still smell the biscuits cooking, and in the back of my mind wish I had gotten her to teach me how to make them! My mind yearns for a trip back. For just one more day, as Mitch Albom has so sweetly expressed in one of his books. One more day to say things that should have said, but which I always thought I would have time to say.

I used to help my Grandma sometimes and it was during this period of interaction that I learned a great deal about here philosophy of life. A lot of hard work mainly, but a lot of love for life too. When she had here 100th birthday, I asked her if she had it to go over again what one thing would she do or not do. She told me simply “Worry less, because worry never did change nothing!” It still doesn’t Grandma, it still doesn’t! Since Grandma died…Dad and Mom have gone on also, and occasionally I still see them in my dreams.

It’s just a shame that we can’t step into these kinds of dreams anytime we want to, and visit with our loved ones who are no longer with us. It’s also a shame that we don’t realize that some of the loved ones who are still with us now, may soon be a memory. We should tell THEM the things we need to, before it’s too late, and we can only visit them every once in a while in our dreams.

I really haven’t had any BAD dreams recently. Nothing which I would call a nightmare, or anything even resembling a bad dream. My granddaughter who is now a High School Junior, used to have them. Occasionally when she was little and would spend the night, my wife and I would wake up with her standing next to the bed: “I had a bad dreams…” she would say sleepily as she climbed into the solace and comfort of our bed. “It will be OK” I mumbled. And, I knew it would. Most of the dreams we have, we never remember, and I was pretty sure she would not remember her bad dreams by the time she woke up in the morning.

Last night I was awake until 1 am in the morning, and I was wishing so badly I could sleep. I sneakily turned my Kindle fire onto Netflix and pulled up “Forrest Gump” and fast forwarded to the point where he was running out and back across America. By the time he said “Just like that, my running days were over…” I nodded off slowly and slept dreamlessly through the night.

I am older now, so sometimes I feel like I am. October 21, I’ll be 68, if I’m lucky. I’ve spent the majority of my days since December of 2010 around babies. That’s saved me.

I know that some days my wife and kids, my daughter in laws might beg to differ, cause some days I’m a little curmudgeonly. That’s putting it kindly. My nature is not that of a calm, cool and collected cat. I’m more like the long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs most days. But I do love my little ones.

Being around little ones, and taking care of them, from their infant days on up isn’t an easy thing. It takes consistency, patience, and me helping my wife…who’s the consistent, patient one. Throw in a couple of wiener dogs to boot, and you got yourself a pack.

Paula and I have done this because we were able to. We’ve done it because we believe Grandparents are better in the majority of cases to care for their grandchildren then nursery schools. I hear about kids being left in hot cars, or being abused and my blood boils. I hear from people who complain about the way kids act in public, and wonder if they were ever children, or were just born full grown.

I have had all of my grandchildren from the oldest down to the youngest one who can talk spontaneously, tell me “I love you Papa” just this week…just today from my three year old. And my little eight month old blondie laughs out loud at my teasing. What else could I wish for?

I wish for a world for these beauties to grow up in, which is not full of hate. A world which really does judge character, and not looks, or the little differences that all humans have. I wish for a cleaner world, without all the pollution…plastic bags and bottles. I wish for a world which does not judge or condemn whoever they may end up loving. I wish for a world with the opportunity for them to know happiness, as I have known happiness. I wish for them a childhood where they are not required to act as little adults, but can play and squeal, make messes with their toys, color, read books and have hugs when they get little hurts.

I wish for a world where they can one day make up their own minds about how they wish to live their lives. I wish for them to have compassion as on of their main qualities.

That’s a lot to wish for, a lot to hope for. I’m not sure how much of this I’ll get to stay and see, or to participate in. I’ll take every minute I can get. I hope all of my family both children an grandchildren will carry mostly the good memories we have had with them. Certainly, they haven’t all even been good, because I’m far, far from a perfect example. All of my “skills” at parenting have been OJT. It’s a good thing my group has had their Mom and Nana around.

I guess the best that can be said is that so far, they’ve all turned out to be pretty good people. That’s something unusual and worthwhile nowadays.