Author: thegraymaniac

Why is it that although we know “scientifically” that human thought and emotion comes from the brain, we FEEL as though the emotions and thoughts we have for others come from the HEART?

I believe that Love comes from the heart.

When someone hurts you, your heart is broken…..

When you feel grief, does your head hurt, or do you feel the tightness and pressure well up from inside of your chest?

When you pick up a baby, so sweet and innocent….do you hug them to your head?

I’ve looked at all the explanations of how it’s all a “chemical reaction” that takes place in our brain.

But, I wonder how scientists know where our soul really resides within us? I think we all have that spark within us, and I think it resides in our heart.

I got out an old pocket watch the other day while I was selling stuff at Trade Day and I got to thinking about things while I was winding up that old watch.

I had watched a show a few days ago on Youtube, taking a break from watching “The British Baking Show”, about the science of quantum physics. It made me think that although we humans think we are REALLY smart, there are SO many things we have yet to discover….

I feel like we have only seen the tip of the iceberg, and know nothing about what lies beneath, under the cover of the ocean.

It’s all seems so complicated…this Universe, but then…just think, like I thought Tuesday at Trade day, how complicated some of the pocket watches that the Swiss used to make were. SO many moving parts, and yet…they kept time better than anything ever made. Also, when those wonderfully smart watchmakers’s got through with them, they knew all the new owner was going to have to do was “wind” the watch. They knew the quality of what they had made. They knew the time and precision and pride they had put into the making of those watches.

Now then, if HUMANS can make something that complicated, and make it work so well, just think what the creator of all things can do! What seems SO complicated to us in the existence of our Universe is a “pocket watch” to God.

We are only starting to realize his wonders.

This lovely cloudy morning has changed into a beautiful sunny day. It’s like a colorful and interesting caterpillar changing into a wondrous and unique butterfly.

I keep hoping and questioning whether or not we humans are still in our “caterpillar” stage. Will we leave behind our prejudices, hatred, mistrust, violence, bigotry, covetousness, and anger and embrace the beauty that can reside in each of us if we will only let it out. Can we leave the husk of all that is bad behind and soar into a new paradigm of living?

Many will say that only God can bring true peace to Earth, but even so I question why humanity would not want to try and evolve to a more loving species without the intervention of a divine being. I believe we have it within us… Otherwise why do butterflies exist?

If you have loved the people around you during your life, then every time you meet a gray haired old man, think of your grandfather. Did you go fishing or hunting? Did he teach you how to plant a tomato, or how to sharpen your knife?

When you meet a gray haired woman, think of your grandmother. Did she always call you “sweetie” or “darlin'” even when you were in your twenties and beyond? Did she ever make a bad biscuit? Was her cornbread the best you ever ate? Did she always make the bed for you, or give you 50 cents for the ice cream truck. Did she tell you no as much as your Mom?

When you deal with people who are trying to get you to do the right thing, think about your parents. You didn’t always want to do what they told you, but…did you love them anyway? Did they pay for things you took for granted? Your blue jeans or your boots? Did they wait up late at night until you got back home? Did they teach you to drive? Did they have misty eyes when you moved out of the house to live on your own? If they did…you didn’t see it, they didn’t let you.

When you see a younger person, rebellious…with different ideas about how to live life, think of your son or your daughter. Headstrong or graceful. Know it all, or know nothing. Did you love them anyway? Do you still? Have they changed? Have you?

When you see a little child, blonde or black headed. Blue eyes or brown. Smiling up at the clouds in the sky. Singing the “ABC” song, and reading you a book…in gibberish you could never understand. Stacking blocks and knocking them across the room. Running at full speed and tripping over their own feet. Growing so very quickly that days seem like hours and years seem like weeks. Grinning up at you so sweetly. Laying in your lap napping.

When you see a little yapping dog, or a big gently mutt, or a purring kitty, or even those who run free in the streets and are not cared for, do you….would you…think back on a beloved pet you had at some point during your life. How would you treat them?

When we see people who are perfect strangers, we must think that all people we see are somebody’s grandparents, parents, children and grandchildren. No matter what their race, creed, color, sexual orientation, religion, etc., etc., etc. No matter where they are, or where you are. Everyone is someone to someone else.

Life is not only just a circle and a cycle, but a circle within a circle, and a cycle of many things, for many people. We cannot know what anyone else is going through in their lives. I’ll tell you this, sometimes I can barely keep up with what’s going on in my own life!

We jump to conclusions. We judge based on looks, or based on information we hear second hand. We speak first without thinking about what we are saying.

As an old Clint Black song once said: “Put yourself in my shoes, walk a mile for me!”

I know for sure I ought to be doing more of that. I wish we all would do more of that.

A busy day, the end of a busy week. We have been with all the “little” Grandbabies at different times this week. They are tiny tornadoes…but they are our babies. Eli, Rue, and Evie. I couldn’t love them more.

They remind me that once upon a time, my other grandchildren were also babies, but are growing up and out of our “sphere of influence” My first Jessica Brown is a beautiful young woman now, in faraway Huntsville most of the time, working hard on her new job. Auttie Bowers my Blondie, is a junior. Going to the prom tomorrow (praying for no storms) Tyler Holland is married and working hard on the road. I passed my 16 year old Chelsea Holland out playing tennis this afternoon with Max, and had to stop my walk and try to show off. Then there is my little teeny bopper Olivia Livy Brown who is getting prettier every day. I know I’m an embarrassment to them, but just can’t help it.

I raised my three children the best I could. There were hard times, financially and emotionally. I commuted to work out of town all my working years, and had less time for my kids than I wanted with them. I bet I have put in at least a million miles between 1978 and 2011…my “driving” years. I got to know Ludlow Porch, NPR, and Neal Boortz really well over the radio airwaves. I listened to more country music than a Nashville producer.

My wife was with the kids more when they were little. I know that her presence helped them tremendously. Their Grandparents were a big part of their life, especially my “larger than life” Daddy.

My kids are my friends now, although I am never beyond still giving “parental” advice and serving as a gravel hauler, furniture mover, fashion supplier, taxi service and much more…all very willingly albeit grumpily sometimes. There is nothing I wouldn’t do…well almost nothing, for them. They know it. My family has always come first.

Brings me back to the babies. The grandchildren of our “old” age. They will never remember Paula and I as anything other than the gray headed grandparents. Evie especially, and hopefully a brother or sister for her in a few years. Perhaps they will remember some wisps and whispers of our caring for them. And oh..how I do care for them….all of them, child and grandchild.

Many, many years ago I decided I would probably never have a profession as such, other than being Dad and Papa. I think it was the right choice.

Lately, “for no particular reason” as Forrest Gump would say, I have been uncharacteristically sad. I wish I knew why.

Things have been going ok, have been going relatively well actually.

I was cleaning out some things at my rented storage building today and found an old photo album which had been misplaced. It had photos of my grandparents and my folks, my Aunts and Uncles…many long dead now. One of the pictures was of Mom and Dad, and Uncle Pinky and Aunt Sis sitting at a card table playing Rook….had to be about 1974.

They used to get together quite often when we lived on 8th street, since they lived right next door. We boys and girls who lived on 8th street also would get together almost every day and play. God, there were a bunch of us there in the 60’s.

Lemme see: Me and Mike. Rickey Bowers, Mike and Lynn Brown, David Hayes and his three sisters, Debo Spears, Barbecue Ingle, Stanley Crawford, Russell Fox, Hiram Sizemore, Alan Butler (sometimes at his grandparents) the Butler girls…three of them, sisters. There was Kenneth Treadaway, (Coway drive…as was Debo) and sometimes Ken Stephens would wander over from 7th street. Did I forget anybody? Probably.

It was precisely this time of the year, every year, that we were getting geared up for summer. Baseball and swimming. Fishing, golf, and nightly games of “freedom”. Around the clock monopoly marathons at Hiram’s house. Guitar playing. Spending the night at somewhere else besides home.

Waiting for the the rolling store and the ice cream truck. Reading comic books all day long. Our lives back then was a combination of “Leave it to Beaver” and “The Wonder Years”.

We, the white middle class kids of America growing up in the fifties and sixties, had mostly wonderful lives. Sure, there were problems. But we tend to forget those. We tend to dwell on the good for the most part. It’s just how humans think. Why else would a woman ever have more than one child?

So I suppose my recent wave of sadness is simply nostalgia biting me in the butt. It’s missing the people who are gone, and the times we had.

But…I’m still looking forward to tomorrow…and this week. My little grandchildren, my big ones, my kids. All of my family. We make new memories now for a new generation of our humanity to one day be nostalgic about. It’s the way of life.

And that’s how it should be, although it’d be good to play a game of Rook…or even “Magic” again…while there’s still some time.

I realize now that there will never be enough time in my life to do all the things I had planned on doing when I was young. I hate to use the phrase “bucket list”, but I am going to have reevaluate thing somewhat. Which things have true importance? What is a lasting legacy to leave my loved ones? What is it that I really NEED to do versus what I WANT to do? I had a lot of big “plans” when I was a kid. I wanted to be a writer, a pro golfer, a baseball player. I think most of all I wanted to be a Father though. For some reason that was a goal which seemed of paramount importance to me. Since moving last weekend and going through mounds of “stuff” downsizing is an absolute must! I don’t have enough time left in my life to deal with everything I have “collected” over the years, and I don’t want my children and grandchildren to have to deal with my mess when I am gone. I tell you, nothing changes your attitude like a close brush with death. Guess what I’m trying to say is I still got a lot to do, so there is still a LOT to live for. I once read a “Calvin and Hobbes” cartoon where Calvin was saying that with all the things he had to do, he would live “forever” Being mortal, I know I can’t do that, but I do have a LOT to live for so I am going for at least 100! Ya’ll have a good day!

Common Sense: Not looking both ways before crossing the road. Not touching a stove eye which is red. Don’t sign anything without reading it first. Don’t eat undercooked pork, or a raw ghost pepper.

Don’t encourage ignorance. Don’t put up with rudeness. Don’t forget to say please, thank you, and excuse me. Don’t be bigoted.

Don’t be sexist. Don’t forget to brush your teeth before you go to the dentist. Don’t forget to vote. Always wear clean underwear. Don’t shoot a motorcycle gang a bird.

Don’t forget to learn as much as you can about everything you can. Don’t argue unless you know you are right. Don’t be stubborn about changing your mind when you’re wrong. Don’t contradict yourself.

Always fasten your seatbelt. Don’t fly unless it’s in a plane. Don’t criticize anyone’s personal beliefs.

Thomas Paine once wrote a book by the same name. Read it, it’s an important part of history. Benjamin Franklin wrote a bunch of good common sense sayings in Poor Richard’s Almanac. Another important book.

Apple Cider vinegar and local honey are good for what ails you. Wear an orange vest in the woods during deer season.

Love your neighbor, and that doesn’t just apply to the people you live near. Have compassion and pity for those with less than you. Try to understand where even the angry people are coming from.

Hug somebody. Get enough sleep……

Life is like a balance scale. You must balance out the things you want with the things you really need. You may never have all you think you need, but then…did you truly need it after all?

As a child and a young man I would often dream of what I could become. What I have become is much different. I would not have imagined this. Nobody dreams of growing up to become “ordinary”. But ordinary is not bad, it is simply what has been weighed out in the balance, through choice and through chance.

After all, free will is what has been given to we humans as our heritage from the trials and errors of our ancestors, and through natural selection, or from God if you will.

We should not fail to exercise it, but we should realize at the same time the moral limitations it puts upon us. We should weigh in the balance that which makes us happy and productive against the idealism of that which we think would make us more satisfied.

Sometimes they are one and the same, but most of the time they are not, and those are the times which cause us to get out of balance, and to hurt ourselves and others whom we love.

As one of my favorite fantasy writers Brandon Sanderson said in his book The Hero of Ages:

“Somehow, we’ll find it. The balance between whom we wish to be and whom we need to be. But for now, we simply have to be satisfied with who we are.”

Even in a crowded room, or on the beach by the sea. Even at a meeting, or a sporting event. A person can feel alone. It depends on where you are in life, not where you are at.

Even as I walk alone. Along the road. In the woods. By the stream or river. I am never lonely, because I know I am never far away from love. My family, my friends. The creator of all things are always near.

That is where I am at in life. You can find me there with just a little effort on your part. There’s room for many, many more.