Month: March 2020

It is the ordinary things, the mundane moves…which make life…life. Day to day to day, what you have done is, in reality, the terrific.

I find an out of place blue pacifier on the shelf, and I think of all the pacifiers I have handled, stuck in baby mouths, wiped off and sterilized over the years. I still have the very first one I ever saw from 47 years or so ago…it was a baby bottle lid with tape across the bottom. They have definitely improved over the years.

The grass was cut Friday and the smell of it, freshly slain and lying defeated in the yard was intoxicating and primal. It always takes me back to a time before I have memories, a time of just happy, smelly bliss.

I find I love a song by a group called “Casper Baby Pants”. Google them. They’re real. It’s a lullaby, kind of…and it makes me smile. It picks my soul up and transports it up, and up…into the sky above skies. I have always loved music, almost any kind of music. Music is my constant companion and soother of last resort. It doesn’t matter to me how silly the name of the group.

I exercise every morning. Hard enough to make my heart beat hard and fast. Hard enough for the sweat to soak my brow and neck. Not because I love working out that much, but because I want to help anyway I can to prolong this wonderful life.

I raked brush and leaves yesterday like a Tasmanian devil of yard nullification. Huge piles were left in my wake, and then I leaned on the rake and felt the thump…thump..thump…hard and fast. No pain. Good. Another day then.

I love being a human. I love doing the simple things that humans do. Every day doesn’t have to be a trip to Disney World or the beach….although that would nice. But, just to open a book and lose myself in another person’s wonderful imagination, to see a beautiful photograph, to watch the birds and squirrels in the yard, feeding. Just to see the stars at night, or even the lightning and hail of a few days past!

How spectacular is existence! How glorious is sensing all of this wonder surrounding us.

I waste way too many thoughts on things which are far beyond my ability to control, and I’m angered by actions which others take, which I have little ability to affect.

My appeal to you, my friends is to not let yourself fall into the traps and conditions which cause you to miss the beauty of life which is unfolding before you each and every day.

Witness the ordinary and think on the mundane, and be content.

When you look in the mirror, who do you see looking back at you? Of course, I see “myself” the person who is an amalgamate of my Parents, my Grandparents and all of my other ancestors who have come before me.

Sometimes I see a glimpse of my Grandfather Stewart, sometimes a glimmer of my Dad. As I get older, this happens a little more frequently. I know that genetics has certainly played a part in what I see physically looking back at me. I also know genetics has also played a part in some of the personality traits which I have, some of the ways I act. I know that environment and external influences have also combined with these other factors in making me what I see.

We are limited by our genetics to some extent, but able to overcome much through learning and the environment we put ourselves into. That being said, then only our souls are individually ours, aren’t they? Until we are able to love that creature we see in the mirror and embrace what he or she is, we will not fully be able to love others to any extent. If we are not satisfied with what we see, only WE are able to affect a change for the better.

It is no bad thing to love one’s self…warts and all, faults and all, sins and all. As a matter of fact, it is a good thing. Only by learning to love ourselves can we learn to love ALL others, and only by doing that can we prove that we are individuals worthy of the title “human”

As I listened to my granddaughters speaking and singing today, and my grandson talking last weekend, I found, and find comfort. In my adult life, I have always loved the sound of the voices of children. Most of all the voices of my own children. As I get older, I cannot now remember how my children sounded as they were growing up. It’s a thing that escapes me.

I know I anticipated each of them saying “real” words. Dada. Momma. I really enjoyed that “gobbledygook” process that the human mind takes to develop language, in each of them. Similar, yet oh so different. Individuals. People who my wife and I created together, because we wanted something in common, beyond our own love for each other. We wanted children. To us it represented our love for each other, and our determination to see that particular love continue on, beyond us, through those children.

Never did I anticipate everything that would be included in being a parent. Nobody can. Not even the best planners ever do. It’s the Chaos theory in real life.

But, back to the voices. I really wish there had been the capability back in the 70’s and 80’s to so easily record events in life, such as we have now. I can just point my phone at Ellie, like I did a few times last week, and push a button…..and make a mini movie of her. Laughing, dancing, singing. Another push of a button shares that movie with many people.

Tonight Rue is here, and I hear some of Jessy in her voice, and a couple of intonations of Kirsten. It’s deja vu.

I sometimes wish the mind worked like a video tape machine, and we could rewind it when we wanted to do so, and watch our past times, like a movie. I’ve seen Forrest Gump a dozen times, and it’s a great movie, but it’d be really nice to see an hour and a half of the day my daughter learned to walk, or the days my two sons learned to say Daddy (or Wawry, as it was) To hear that one phrase again would be worth more than gold to me.

But, time is relentless…and uni-directional. You’d better pay more attention to those things you may be taking for granted today, those things that will never, ever happen again. You’ll be sitting around in a few years, like I am today, and wishing you knew the exact location of those eight track video tapes your Dad took. I know I’ve got them, and I plan on finding them and having them digitized. Then, I probably won’t have to watch Forrest Gump anymore for a long, long time.

I hope I have the time to get it done. I think I do.

Time is our most precious commodity, no matter what we think, and that’s the truth.

I sat outside tonight, looking for angels. I didn’t expect to see any.

I saw the sunset peep out from behind the clouds, through the deep green pines. I saw the cardinals, bright red and muted orange in their spring attire. I noticed the Azaleas getting ready to bloom….their glorious pink flowers barely concealed.

I watched as three different layers of clouds passed by, all going different speeds and directions. I heard the coyotes “yip-yip” out in the ravine behind the house, and looked and saw the stairway of lights come on going up the forty-five degree angle of Lookout mountain as the light faded away from day to night. I came looking for Angels, and didn’t see any, but it was worth the time to sit there and watch for them.

It’s just my opinion, but I believe that each of us lives within our own “Universe” inside this beautiful mind that we have at our instantaneous beck and call. We are all simultaneously on a journey with those around us, while we are also on our own very personal and very unique trip. We should be respectful and tolerant of everyone’s individual journey here on Earth.

Condemnation of each other for our individual beliefs is not what we need. If another person is not on the same “wave” which you are on, move on and let them alone. You can always find balance if you seek it.

I can’t describe how infuriated I was yesterday to see the photos and videos of people coming into airports returning from Europe because they were scared and UNDER-INFORMED about the new travel restrictions.that were put in place by the President. This restriction was put out without warning or coordination with our allies and countries in Europe, and it was originally thought the restrictions also applied to CARGO. That was not the case and corrections had to be made almost immediately. It was also not clear that the travel restrictions coming from Europe did NOT apply to American citizens.

So…people panicked and the airports were jammed and packed with people for hours….people coming back from countries more infected with corona virus than here in America. All jammed packed together, coughing and breathing and rubbing up against each other. Many of them did not even get checked as they went through customs. They interviewed a couple from Chattanooga yesterday on channel 3 who said they came back from France, and went right through customs without being checked. Today they found another TSA worker in Atlanta who was positive for the virus. This was a huge mistake. It increased the problems we are going to have in this country exponentially.

In this country we are asking people to keep their distance from each other. We are asking people not to gather in groups. We are short on hospital beds, equipment, and manpower in our hospitals. This is the most serious crisis in my lifetime, and I was born in 1950. I don’t think there’s anyway to avoid this virus long term, so it becomes a matter of when it comes home to roost, not if. It becomes can it be survived? Most people will survive, more than will die….but “the center cannot hold….mere anarchy is being loosed upon the world.” (yeats…the second coming)

This could have been handled better, it could have been handled earlier, and more efficiently. It could have been taken more seriously earlier. We could have been better prepared. Lord I hate for people to die because of what might have been! I hate for the world to suffer because our civilization is breaking apart…even though writers and artists warned us. Scientists warned us! It makes me so angry. It’s so scary. Damn!

I don’t know where we go from here, as a country….as a world or as a race. Humanity. Humanity will survive, but the things are going to be so different next year this time, in two years, in five years. There will be a new normal….there will be a new….normal. Nothing will ever be the same. Nothing. I don’t know if I’ll be here to see it or not. If I am, I will help anybody in any way which I can. If not, then all I can do now is as I have been doing of late and that is to pray.

Tick tock goes the clock…..

I have laid my watch down in my driveway several times when I have gone for a walk. It has always been there when I got back. It’s never chased me around the block. All that has ever happened to that watch has been a change in the “hands” on the inside. They move. They measure time. And they always run forward.
For almost four years now Paula and I have been babysitters for Eli and Rue. Any of you who are my friends have seen their pictures. Tiny little tots they were when they first came to us….changing magically into toddlers and budding students.

I looked over at Rue today as she was sitting in Paula’s lap taking her nap. She has always sought solace in Nana’s lap for her naps. She’s being “weaned” off of “sassy” gradually, and she can only have it at nap time. So she’s laying there with her sassy in her mouth sound asleep and I suddenly am struck by the realization that there won’t be many more naps like this one.

Both of them are going to Pre-K next year, so they won’t be here during the day. School is out in May this year, so days of Rue napping in Nana’s lap are dwindling. The days of Eli and me going over to the church parking lot and kicking around his little red rubber ball are dwindling.

Those two have fought like brother and sister, but love each other like brother and sister.

And the hands on my watch are still moving, and won’t stop. And why the heck are there tears in my eyes while I’m writing this? I think I’m getting soft in my old age.

There have been memories with these two that I will never, ever forget. Those days will be one’s it will be hard for them to remember though.

There’s been days I could scalp them, but I miss them as soon as they walk out the door. Go figure.

Ahh well, it’s not as if they are dropping off the planet. They will still be around plenty…and I walk and walk every day to try and lengthen that time, and slow down those hands on my watch. Love will get you to do things you didn’t think you would or could.

Baby Evie will be down next week for a trial run with Nana and Papa. So, a new chapter joyfully begins while one of the previous chapters begins to wind down. And we turn the page, and wait for the hands on the watch to move ahead into the future.

When you become a parent and your children are small, you think: “one day they will be grown and I will not worry so much about them getting hurt, or being sick. I won’t have to worry about the day to day things, or whether they are eating right or taking their Flintstone vitamins.” You find along the way that this philosophy is incorrect. You never quit being a parent. You never quit being a child.
I think I fought my Dad and Mom tooth and nail on this manner of thinking. Yet, up until the week my Dad died, he was still asking me how I was feeling…how was work going? Was I getting enough sleep…was the stress getting to me? “I’m feeling Ok, work is work, I’m sleeping lousy as always, and yes things are stressful” “Well,” he said, “try and take care of yourself” and then the next week, he was gone…..
I guess there is no more unique relationship than that of a parent and a child. It can go good, and it can go bad, and it can be somewhere in between most of the time. It’s like a game of tennis you don’t finish until someone is no longer there to hit the ball back over the net. You find yourself getting so used to that relationship sometimes that you take it for granted. Really, I guess most of the time. That’s something you will probably live to regret…as a child…or as a parent.
I have done fairly well since my folks died back in 2010…I have stayed conscious of the fact they were gone up until one day last week. I was thinking about one of Dad’s cousin’s wife having passed away, and was wanting to go see the cousin. “I’ll have to ask Dad how to get to his house…” I started to think….and then…I found that I had slipped up. “I don’t think he would answer me” I muttered.
But..you never know, as my wife told me. Not with that man. He might answer me still! A lot of times we have things that are moved around out of their “normal” spot, or something is running that we are just SURE we turned off. My wife will say: “Tarpy did it” “Yep,” I say “playing another practical joke” He loved to tease and poke at ya’, and would laugh like mad if he got you.
So…as I child or as a parent, take all the chances you have to talk. Just talk. It doesn’t have to be anything monumental or deep. Just conversation

A Tribute to Life.

Walking into the warm westward blowing wind this afternoon early, with the sun breaking through the thick gray clouds, I have never felt more alive. Yet I thought if I could let my soul slip away, in that one tiny silver of a sublime moment, I might do it.

But I still have much to do, and many to hold. I still can give of myself without regret, so I will wait for that one day in the future when the same wind blows and the sun shines bright and I am truly ready to go.

Creatures

We are of the earth, no matter your philosophy of how we got here.
We are all creatures of this world.
No matter our skin color or the shape of our eyes, we are creatures of this world.
We are so much like other living things, that it is plain to anyone who will look, that our basic blueprint was laid down long ago, in our cells and in our spirit.
We are of this Earth, but our spirit can soar high, if we will only allow it to do so the first time.
High into the pink sunsets we can fly like the eagle or the hawk.
We are every cloud and raindrop which falls and runs to the sea.
We are of the ocean, and every wave which breaks on the sand.
Forever tied to our planet which sustains us, which has sustained us, and which will be here long after us.

Larry Bowers