Day: January 26, 2020

We had some new flooring put in this week at the house. It was sorely needed. In order to make some room for the guys to work, I moved some things onto the carpeted steps which lead downstairs to our basement. The steps run down to a big window which looks outside.

I spent a lot of time on these steps over the past four years. For some reason those steps are kind of cozy and protected and Eli and Rue liked them. They have been our secure place…our play place.

We have sat there many times and read books, and drawn pictures and taped them up on the wall like works of art. And they were, as are the kids who drew them.. Rue and I have played school a million times. Eli and I have looked out the window and watched the birds so many times.

Since they have started to school there are fewer times on the steps with them. The watch on my arm runs on and on.

I was gathering some items up off the steps tonight and I was thinking about those two, and thinking about baby Evie. She’s been sick this week and hasn’t been able to come down. I’ve been here at the house with the guys working and haven’t seen her. I have missed her.

But I was thinking as I was looking at that blank wall going down the steps and I was hoping that I can get her to draw some pictures with me one day to tape up on the wall….to go with those that Rue and Eli did which I have tucked away in a drawer…..

Twice this past week I’ve woke up in the middle of the night with heart palpitations, PVC’s, and panic attacks. I have been having vivid dreams that seem to trigger them. Paula talked me through one of them, and I managed the second one by myself.

Having not changed anything, I have to wonder at the cause. Could it be like Ebenezer Scrooge said “a blob of mustard, or undigested potato…..more gravy than grave about this”.

I don’t know. I know that when you age you wonder about these out of the norm things as they happen. One of the reasons I got out and walked the trail today was to see if I had any problem doing it. I didn’t. More than likely it’s always the mind in my case.

Perseverance is one of my best/worse qualities. You can also sometimes shorten that word down to “pestering”. Just ask Paula. I’ll persevere then.

As I start to close in on 69, and then perhaps 70 I want to start tidying things up a bit though. Write some things down, get rid of some stuff, sell some stuff, give some stuff away. (You’d think I own too much stuff? You’d be right!). Tie up some loose ends and get in my little red Radio Flyer at the top of the hill, and wait for God to give it a push. I hope he waits quite a number of years!

Have a nice day tomorrow, and get ready for the cold weather.