When I was a little kid, I consciously decided I would not let my life be controlled by my impulses. I was a big kid, big for my age, and at first I wanted to “be tough” and beat people up.
I got mad at a neighbor kid one day, and busted him in the nose. The amount of blood he shed scared me. My impulse had been to lash out in anger and that is what I did. Not long afterwards I got in a fight with a boy who spit on me. I wrestled him to the ground and hit him repeatedly in the head. I was only 8 or 9 years old.
As I lay on the ground one late summer day and watched the white clouds floating overhead, I decided that I did not need to beat up people in order to live. I decided that there was a malevolent spirit inside me which took over my actions when I acted on impulse without considering the consequences. I thought I might actually really hurt someone badly at some point. I decided I would not physically attack anyone anymore. That’s been 55 years, and I never have. I have only ever just defended myself if absolutely necessary. I did everything in my power to avoid conflict. I let myself be called coward sometimes. Yet, I am still here.
I know of several who took the path of giving into their impulses who are either in jail or dead. I know a lot of guys who fought at the drop of a hat, but they never benefited from it. I know people who were bullies that were the most hated and despised people.
I tell you this so you will know that it is possible to be peaceable, and to be at peace if you wish it to be so. There are very few people for who this is not true. There is only a very small percentage of people who cannot control their actions, due to disease and medical problems.
“I think, therefore I am” said Descartes.
Thinking comes first. After that, you will be able to do things you never thought possible to prove to the world who you really are. You don’t have bloody a person’s nose for them to know you exist. Just be thoughtful, and you will find balance and a solution.