Month: March 2018

Tick tock goes the clock…..

I have laid my watch down in my driveway several times when I have gone for a walk. It has always been there when I got back. It’s never chased me around the block. All that has ever happened to that watch has been a change in the “hands” on the inside. They move. They measure time. And they always run forward.

For almost four years now Paula and I have been babysitters for Eli and Rue. Any of you who are my friends have seen their pictures. Tiny little tots they were when they first came to us….changing magically into toddlers and budding students.

I looked over at Rue today as she was sitting in Paula’s lap taking her nap. She has always sought solace in Nana’s lap for her naps. She’s being “weaned” off of “sassy” gradually, and she can only have it at nap time. So she’s laying there with her sassy in her mouth sound asleep and I suddenly am struck by the realization that there won’t be many more naps like this one.

Both of them are going to Pre-K next year, so they won’t be here during the day. School is out in May this year, so days of Rue napping in Nana’s lap are dwindling. The days of Eli and me going over to the church parking lot and kicking around his little red rubber ball are dwindling.

Those two have fought like brother and sister, but love each other like brother and sister.

And the hands on my watch are still moving, and won’t stop. And why the heck are there tears in my eyes while I’m writing this? I think I’m getting soft in my old age.

There have been memories with these two that I will never, ever forget. Those days will be one’s it will be hard for them to remember though.

There’s been days I could scalp them, but I miss them as soon as they walk out the door. Go figure.

Ahh well, it’s not as if they are dropping off the planet. They will still be around plenty…and I walk and walk every day to try and lengthen that time, and slow down those hands on my watch. Love will get you to do things you didn’t think you would or could.

Baby Evie will be down next week for a trial run with Nana and Papa. So, a new chapter joyfully begins while one of the previous chapters begins to wind down. And we turn the page, and wait for the hands on the watch to move ahead into the future.

When you become a parent and your children are small, you think: “one day they will be grown and I will not worry so much about them getting hurt, or being sick. I won’t have to worry about the day to day things, or whether they are eating right or taking their Flintstone vitamins.” You find along the way that this philosophy is incorrect. You never quit being a parent. You never quit being a child.

I think I fought my Dad and Mom tooth and nail on this manner of thinking. Yet, up until the week my Dad died, he was still asking me how I was feeling…how was work going? Was I getting enough sleep…was the stress getting to me? “I’m feeling Ok, work is work, I’m sleeping lousy as always, and yes things are stressful” “Well,” he said, “try and take care of yourself” and then the next week, he was gone…..

I guess there is no more unique relationship than that of a parent and a child. It can go good, and it can go bad, and it can be somewhere in between most of the time. It’s like a game of tennis you don’t finish until someone is no longer there to hit the ball back over the net. You find yourself getting so used to that relationship sometimes that you take it for granted. Really, I guess most of the time. That’s something you will probably live to regret…as a child…or as a parent.

I have done fairly well since my folks died back in 2010…I have stayed conscious of the fact they were gone up until one day last week. I was thinking about one of Dad’s cousin’s wife having passed away, and was wanting to go see the cousin. “I’ll have to ask Dad how to get to his house…” I started to think….and then…I found that I had slipped up. “I don’t think he would answer me” I muttered.

But..you never know, as my wife told me. Not with that man. He might answer me still! A lot of times we have things that are moved around out of their “normal” spot, or something is running that we are just SURE we turned off. My wife will say: “Tarpy did it” “Yep,” I say “playing another practical joke” He loved to tease and poke at ya’, and would laugh like mad if he got you.

So…as I child or as a parent, take all the chances you have to talk. Just talk. It doesn’t have to be anything monumental or deep. Just conversation.

A Tribute to Life.

Walking into the warm westward blowing wind this afternoon early, with the sun breaking through the thick gray clouds, I have never felt more alive. Yet I thought if I could let my soul slip away, in that one tiny silver of a sublime moment, I might do it.

But I still have much to do, and many to hold. I still can give of myself without regret, so I will wait for that one day in the future when the same wind blows and the sun shines bright and I am truly ready to go.

I’ve known some honorable people in my life. Not as many as one might think. Many people have some honor, but not many have great honor.

When an honorable person speaks, they speak the truth, even when what they say is not popular. They do this while trying to be kind.

An honorable person is also loyal, even when they are tempted by money or other types of personal rewards, to be disloyal. Honor trumps dishonesty.

An honorable person has empathy for others, even if they are an opponent, or someone with whom they have little in common. No one with true honor thinks that anyone is beneath them because of any physical, cultural, financial, or religious differences.

A person with honor will give of themselves or their resources with no expectations of receiving anything in return. Many times they give anonymously.

An honorable person will stand up for what they think is right, but will listen openly to the opinions of others, and may be convinced to change their mind, if enough good evidence is presented. Being honorable does not mean being intractable.

A truly honorable person will be able to forgive others for almost anything, while seeking forgiveness when they have wronged others. Being strong does not preclude forgiveness or contrition.

It has been said that the “knights of old” were the most honorable of men. While there are still “knights” of honor in our day and age, they are few and far between, and getting even more rare with every passing day.

I still watch Survivor, and tonight was a wacky episode. Young all “twenty something” group called the “beauty” group won the prize challenge which was a food reward of three laying hens and a big rooster. They take them back to camp in a custom coop designed for the lain eggs to roll out a chute in front. Discussion starts: “How do we get eggs?” Says one girl…”the rooster has to do something right?” Another girl…”I’m not sure, does the rooster have to make them have the eggs” Supposed country boy: “No, it’s like you have eggs too, you know.” “Oh, yeah..” say three of the girls and then sit there looking confused. “Can’t believe they didn’t know about eggs.” Says quasi country boy “Everyone knows eggs came first, cause dinosaurs had eggs and they were here a long time before chickens.” He then gets up, grabs one of the LAYING HENS and kills it by pulling it’s head off, even though they have machetes, cause they have been using them to cut coconuts. Rooster still sitting in the cage. Sweat beaded up on his brow cause he knows he dodged a bullet. Maybe they are keeping him to wake up by. Cooked the hen up on sticks stuck in the fire. Beware America, all of those kids are coming back here after the show is over. That is, IF they survive. Sheesh….I’m a little fearful.

A sleep deprived mind is a terrible thing. The neurons don’t fire like they should and sometimes you don’t think “normal” like you should. I think that may end up being the case with me. After all I sleep with this mask contraption strapped to my head that’s supposed to help me sleep better. I look in the mirror sometimes at night after I “suit up” and I remind myself of something from outer space. It’s connected to a machine that blows air through the mask and keeps me “pumped up” at night. It’s a non-snore machine. It’s really kind of weird that anyone could ever think of something like this.

I feel rested though, so what the heck.

They have a saying about drugs that a “Mind on Crack is a terrible thing” I think in my case it’s a “Crack in the Mind is a terrible thing.” My brain is cracked and nobody minds. Weird things come out of my mouth. My body doesn’t do what I ask it. It does what it dang well pleases. Is it age related? I hope not, because I ain’t getting any younger.

I have been thinking about world events, but I really don’t feel like talking about them. Talking about world events is like walking through a pasture full of cow pies blindfolded.

I really don’t feel much like talking about religion or existentialism, either. That’s like walking through a cow pasture full of “pasture pudding” and land mines.

Dang…I don’t know what to talk about.

I got any idea though. I’ll do a post about the things I don’t want to talk about and put it on and don’t tell anybody that’s what it is about until the last line.

That’ll do it.

We are of the earth, no matter your philosophy of how we got here.

We are all creatures of this world.

No matter our skin color or the shape of our eyes, we are creatures of this world.

We are so much like other living things, that it is plain to anyone who will look that our basic blueprint was laid down long ago, in our cells and in our spirit.

We are of this Earth, but our spirit can soar high, if we will only allow it to do so the first time.

High into the pink sunsets we can fly like the eagle or the hawk.

We are every cloud and raindrop which falls and runs to the sea.

We are of the ocean, and every wave which breaks on the sand.

Forever tied to our planet which sustains us, which has sustained us, and which will be here long after us.

This morning should have been Easter. I cannot remember a more beautiful spring morning. This morning should remind us of Christ’s love for us and for all other people. It should remind us through the bright and glorious sunshine, that Christ is the light who came into the world not to condemn the world, but through him to save the world. It should remind us through the gorgeous singing and trilling of the songbirds, that God created a world worthy of our care and nurturing. It should remind us through the blooming and wonder of the superb spring flowers, that through God’s grace and Christ’s sacrifice, that we can all live again if we believe in him. Yes, this morning should have been Easter, but then again I guess any morning can be if your joy is in Christ and your belief is in his defeat of death.

Two people died this past week who were friends of mine, and I didn’t know it in time to go to their funerals…or to the funeral home to honor them.

Mr. E.B. King, Jeff King‘s Dad was a fixture all through my childhood. Jeff and I played a lot of baseball together as kids, and Mr. King was always there to encourage, to help, to coach us, play catch with us…anything he could do to help he always did. I never heard Mr. King ever raise his voice, although he may have…but he seemed a kind and gentle man. The kind of man you look up to as a kid. He was a Navy man, like my Dad was, and I heard him and my Daddy talk about it occasionally. After my ball playing years, I would see Mr. and Mrs. King at Church and they never, ever failed to speak or to smile. They never failed to show joy. Mr. King and I became buddies over 30 years of going to Trade Day together. Can’t count the junk I bought from him that I “needed” At the same time, money could not BUY the good will and friendliness in the conversations we had about everything under the moon. Fifteen or twenty minutes on a Saturday or a Tuesday over all those years. Wonderful person, Mr. E.B., I will surely miss him.

I was thinking while I was out walking today about how I have come through sixty five years to where I am today.

I have had times where I have been mean to people, but I try not to be that way anymore.

I have had times when I said hateful things to people, but I try not to say those things anymore.

I have not loved people in general enough. I have not given enough to those who needed it. I have not consoled those who needed consoling as much as I should have.

I have wasted precious time doing inane things which meant nothing when I could have been doing things to benefit others.

But, in doing…or not doing all or any of these things, I suppose I am walking or was walking literally at the time, in the footsteps of every thinking human being who has ever drawn a breath.

I wonder then, when God made us, and I do think that we were in some sense made, I wonder why we were not made perfectly? Why am I so imperfect? Why is humanity so imperfect?

I walked for five miles and never came up with a really good answer to that question. I don’t think any of us have the answers. I think we all still have many more questions instead.

Certainly there are religious and metaphysical answers, but to seek the answer in human terms only, is very, very hard.

I will think on it again tomorrow if I get to walk around again.