Writing for Sanity's Sake

If you have loved the people around you during your life, then every time you meet a gray haired old man, think of your grandfather. Did you go fishing or hunting? Did he teach you how to plant a tomato, or how to sharpen your knife?

When you meet a gray haired woman, think of your grandmother. Did she always call you “sweetie” or “darlin'” even when you were in your twenties and beyond? Did she ever make a bad biscuit? Was her cornbread the best you ever ate? Did she always make the bed for you, or give you 50 cents for the ice cream truck. Did she tell you no as much as your Mom?

When you deal with people who are trying to get you to do the right thing, think about your parents. You didn’t always want to do what they told you, but…did you love them anyway? Did they pay for things you took for granted? Your blue jeans or your boots? Did they wait up late at night until you got back home? Did they teach you to drive? Did they have misty eyes when you moved out of the house to live on your own? If they did…you didn’t see it, they didn’t let you.

When you see a younger person, rebellious…with different ideas about how to live life, think of your son or your daughter. Headstrong or graceful. Know it all, or know nothing. Did you love them anyway? Do you still? Have they changed? Have you?

When you see a little child, blonde or black headed. Blue eyes or brown. Smiling up at the clouds in the sky. Singing the “ABC” song, and reading you a book…in gibberish you could never understand. Stacking blocks and knocking them across the room. Running at full speed and tripping over their own feet. Growing so very quickly that days seem like hours and years seem like weeks. Grinning up at you so sweetly. Laying in your lap napping.

When you see a little yapping dog, or a big gently mutt, or a purring kitty, or even those who run free in the streets and are not cared for, do you….would you…think back on a beloved pet you had at some point during your life. How would you treat them?

When we see people who are perfect strangers, we must think that all people we see are somebody’s grandparents, parents, children and grandchildren. No matter what their race, creed, color, sexual orientation, religion, etc., etc., etc. No matter where they are, or where you are. Everyone is someone to someone else.

Life is not only just a circle and a cycle, but a circle within a circle, and a cycle of many things, for many people. We cannot know what anyone else is going through in their lives. I’ll tell you this, sometimes I can barely keep up with what’s going on in my own life!

We jump to conclusions. We judge based on looks, or based on information we hear second hand. We speak first without thinking about what we are saying.

As an old Clint Black song once said: “Put yourself in my shoes, walk a mile for me!”

I know for sure I ought to be doing more of that. I wish we all would do more of that.

A busy day, the end of a busy week. We have been with all the “little” Grandbabies at different times this week. They are tiny tornadoes…but they are our babies. Eli, Rue, and Evie. I couldn’t love them more.

They remind me that once upon a time, my other grandchildren were also babies, but are growing up and out of our “sphere of influence” My first Jessica Brown is a beautiful young woman now, in faraway Huntsville most of the time, working hard on her new job. Auttie Bowers my Blondie, is a junior. Going to the prom tomorrow (praying for no storms) Tyler Holland is married and working hard on the road. I passed my 16 year old Chelsea Holland out playing tennis this afternoon with Max, and had to stop my walk and try to show off. Then there is my little teeny bopper Olivia Livy Brown who is getting prettier every day. I know I’m an embarrassment to them, but just can’t help it.

I raised my three children the best I could. There were hard times, financially and emotionally. I commuted to work out of town all my working years, and had less time for my kids than I wanted with them. I bet I have put in at least a million miles between 1978 and 2011…my “driving” years. I got to know Ludlow Porch, NPR, and Neal Boortz really well over the radio airwaves. I listened to more country music than a Nashville producer.

My wife was with the kids more when they were little. I know that her presence helped them tremendously. Their Grandparents were a big part of their life, especially my “larger than life” Daddy.

My kids are my friends now, although I am never beyond still giving “parental” advice and serving as a gravel hauler, furniture mover, fashion supplier, taxi service and much more…all very willingly albeit grumpily sometimes. There is nothing I wouldn’t do…well almost nothing, for them. They know it. My family has always come first.

Brings me back to the babies. The grandchildren of our “old” age. They will never remember Paula and I as anything other than the gray headed grandparents. Evie especially, and hopefully a brother or sister for her in a few years. Perhaps they will remember some wisps and whispers of our caring for them. And oh..how I do care for them….all of them, child and grandchild.

Many, many years ago I decided I would probably never have a profession as such, other than being Dad and Papa. I think it was the right choice.

Lately, “for no particular reason” as Forrest Gump would say, I have been uncharacteristically sad. I wish I knew why.

Things have been going ok, have been going relatively well actually.

I was cleaning out some things at my rented storage building today and found an old photo album which had been misplaced. It had photos of my grandparents and my folks, my Aunts and Uncles…many long dead now. One of the pictures was of Mom and Dad, and Uncle Pinky and Aunt Sis sitting at a card table playing Rook….had to be about 1974.

They used to get together quite often when we lived on 8th street, since they lived right next door. We boys and girls who lived on 8th street also would get together almost every day and play. God, there were a bunch of us there in the 60’s.

Lemme see: Me and Mike. Rickey Bowers, Mike and Lynn Brown, David Hayes and his three sisters, Debo Spears, Barbecue Ingle, Stanley Crawford, Russell Fox, Hiram Sizemore, Alan Butler (sometimes at his grandparents) the Butler girls…three of them, sisters. There was Kenneth Treadaway, (Coway drive…as was Debo) and sometimes Ken Stephens would wander over from 7th street. Did I forget anybody? Probably.

It was precisely this time of the year, every year, that we were getting geared up for summer. Baseball and swimming. Fishing, golf, and nightly games of “freedom”. Around the clock monopoly marathons at Hiram’s house. Guitar playing. Spending the night at somewhere else besides home.

Waiting for the the rolling store and the ice cream truck. Reading comic books all day long. Our lives back then was a combination of “Leave it to Beaver” and “The Wonder Years”.

We, the white middle class kids of America growing up in the fifties and sixties, had mostly wonderful lives. Sure, there were problems. But we tend to forget those. We tend to dwell on the good for the most part. It’s just how humans think. Why else would a woman ever have more than one child?

So I suppose my recent wave of sadness is simply nostalgia biting me in the butt. It’s missing the people who are gone, and the times we had.

But…I’m still looking forward to tomorrow…and this week. My little grandchildren, my big ones, my kids. All of my family. We make new memories now for a new generation of our humanity to one day be nostalgic about. It’s the way of life.

And that’s how it should be, although it’d be good to play a game of Rook…or even “Magic” again…while there’s still some time.

I realize now that there will never be enough time in my life to do all the things I had planned on doing when I was young. I hate to use the phrase “bucket list”, but I am going to have reevaluate thing somewhat. Which things have true importance? What is a lasting legacy to leave my loved ones? What is it that I really NEED to do versus what I WANT to do? I had a lot of big “plans” when I was a kid. I wanted to be a writer, a pro golfer, a baseball player. I think most of all I wanted to be a Father though. For some reason that was a goal which seemed of paramount importance to me. Since moving last weekend and going through mounds of “stuff” downsizing is an absolute must! I don’t have enough time left in my life to deal with everything I have “collected” over the years, and I don’t want my children and grandchildren to have to deal with my mess when I am gone. I tell you, nothing changes your attitude like a close brush with death. Guess what I’m trying to say is I still got a lot to do, so there is still a LOT to live for. I once read a “Calvin and Hobbes” cartoon where Calvin was saying that with all the things he had to do, he would live “forever” Being mortal, I know I can’t do that, but I do have a LOT to live for so I am going for at least 100! Ya’ll have a good day!

Common Sense: Not looking both ways before crossing the road. Not touching a stove eye which is red. Don’t sign anything without reading it first. Don’t eat undercooked pork, or a raw ghost pepper.

Don’t encourage ignorance. Don’t put up with rudeness. Don’t forget to say please, thank you, and excuse me. Don’t be bigoted.

Don’t be sexist. Don’t forget to brush your teeth before you go to the dentist. Don’t forget to vote. Always wear clean underwear. Don’t shoot a motorcycle gang a bird.

Don’t forget to learn as much as you can about everything you can. Don’t argue unless you know you are right. Don’t be stubborn about changing your mind when you’re wrong. Don’t contradict yourself.

Always fasten your seatbelt. Don’t fly unless it’s in a plane. Don’t criticize anyone’s personal beliefs.

Thomas Paine once wrote a book by the same name. Read it, it’s an important part of history. Benjamin Franklin wrote a bunch of good common sense sayings in Poor Richard’s Almanac. Another important book.

Apple Cider vinegar and local honey are good for what ails you. Wear an orange vest in the woods during deer season.

Love your neighbor, and that doesn’t just apply to the people you live near. Have compassion and pity for those with less than you. Try to understand where even the angry people are coming from.

Hug somebody. Get enough sleep……

Life is like a balance scale. You must balance out the things you want with the things you really need. You may never have all you think you need, but then…did you truly need it after all?

As a child and a young man I would often dream of what I could become. What I have become is much different. I would not have imagined this. Nobody dreams of growing up to become “ordinary”. But ordinary is not bad, it is simply what has been weighed out in the balance, through choice and through chance.

After all, free will is what has been given to we humans as our heritage from the trials and errors of our ancestors, and through natural selection, or from God if you will.

We should not fail to exercise it, but we should realize at the same time the moral limitations it puts upon us. We should weigh in the balance that which makes us happy and productive against the idealism of that which we think would make us more satisfied.

Sometimes they are one and the same, but most of the time they are not, and those are the times which cause us to get out of balance, and to hurt ourselves and others whom we love.

As one of my favorite fantasy writers Brandon Sanderson said in his book The Hero of Ages:

“Somehow, we’ll find it. The balance between whom we wish to be and whom we need to be. But for now, we simply have to be satisfied with who we are.”

Even in a crowded room, or on the beach by the sea. Even at a meeting, or a sporting event. A person can feel alone. It depends on where you are in life, not where you are at.

Even as I walk alone. Along the road. In the woods. By the stream or river. I am never lonely, because I know I am never far away from love. My family, my friends. The creator of all things are always near.

That is where I am at in life. You can find me there with just a little effort on your part. There’s room for many, many more.

Am I assuming too much when I assume that I am not the only one tired of politics and political non issues? And it’s only April still, with a long way to go.

I’m weary of blog reposts about borders, and Supreme Court decisions, and memes about bathrooms.

I don’t care where you pee, just be sure and flush.

I’m also not too certain there is anything I can write here on Facebook which will cause the income equality gap to get better. And I don’t think it really matters to anybody much who I plan to vote for, and why.

I’ve stopped being religious, but I still believe in God. It’s possible believe me.

The thing which concerns me most is time, and spending what I have left wisely and with love, with the people I love.

Oh, I know some of the external things going on in the world may have some periferal effect on me, but they will be manageable, short of some unforeseen disaster.

What I have here, now, and for the years ahead, is what’s important to me. I’m not trying to change the world, but simply trying to minimize my interface with it in order to maximize my relationships with people I care for…which also includes some of you, my friends.

It’s difficult to express what I am feeling. I guess it’s the speed of time…the fact that it is running by much faster now than when I was younger. It’s all relativity you see.

When you are five years old, one year is 20% of your entire life so it therefore seems to pass slowly. When you are ten, it’s 10% of your life…and so on. If you reach 80 years old one year is like..what?…1.25% of your life, so a year relatively speaking, seems to fly by. Even now, at age 65 I’m already thinking about buying Christmas presents for this year. This week has gone by in a flash. They all seem to now.

I have to therefore reduce the magnitude of things I need to do to a manageable level and by choice do the things which count the most, which involve my family and close friends. It doesn’t mean I won’t still do things which fall outside these parameters…just means there will be fewer of those “things”.

I’m not giving up trade day, or healthy walking times. I’m going to give up worrying about some of the things I previously mentioned, unless of course I get riled up.

Isn’t it enough for most of us to deal with our own “business”. To live and let live, and quit worrying about the petty things that the world around us wants to thrust upon us as being SO important.

Our justification for our actions should be taking care of our own, and letting others do the same. We don’t have to quit dealing with important issues but maybe we need to look more closely at what is really important. But in the spirit of not telling anyone what to do with their Facebook page, please put on anything you want because I will exercise my right to selective reading.

So, back to dealing with time. A lot of it has passed since I started this post so now it’s time to rest and sleep. Tomorrow will be here very soon.

I think tomorrow might be a good day to rest. Sunday is a traditional day for rest. I might even sleep in til 7 am if the storms don’t come rolling forth.

I remember my Grandmother Stewart was not a sleeper. If she slept five hours it was something. Many times when I stayed there Grandpa would still be snoring (I think he had sleep apnea) while Grandma was already up stirring around. Grandma made him wake up and start a fire during the winter though, and as soon as I would hear him clanking that old wood stove I would extricate myself from under the five quilts I was entangled in upstairs and come running down to the heater.

Grandma lived to be 100, so I guess she was the exception to the rule about needing plenty of sleep to live a long life. She never napped much either.

Grandma died in December 1999. I was supposed to be a pallbearer, but I’d had a heart attack and a stent just a month before she died so I couldn’t help carry her as I had done with Grandpa in 1993. They played such a large part in my childhood, but as I became an adult and had my own family my visits were infrequent. I think we all run into that pattern of life as we live it.

You regret the time you might have been able to spend with your family, much more when they are gone. I apologized to Grandma once for this, and she simply said “Don’t worry about it honey, I understand”

As I approach 65 I am beginning to also understand. We have what we have when we have it. Live it that day, that week, that month. There is time enough to love if we take it, because it does not take much time to show it in the present. A hug, a kiss, a word, a touch. An unexpected tenderness or an emotion expressed. It’s better done now than wishing it done later. Believe me, I know.

I’m afraid from where I sit, I really don’t know much about the Universe. I’ll freely admit it.

The Universe is big beyond my imagination. It boggles my mind to even try and contemplate it. I watched one of those fantasy mock ups which takes you from our planet out into the Universe. Everything keeps getting bigger and bigger, while Earth gets tinier and tinier. There’s a star out there, they say, which will hold a billion of our suns. A billion! Damn…that just blows my tiny fist size compilation of gray matter.

It’s hard for me to believe that human beings have books that we wrote which tell us all about how the universe came into being and why. How the Universe was created. Religions say these books are divinely inspired. Maybe so. I won’t step on anybody’s beliefs, I promise you that. I’m for people believe whatever they want to believe and me believing what I believe and let bygones be bygones, and live and let live. I’m very tolerant about most things. I can’t stand loud boom boxes, and could do without constantly barking dogs, but even with those I’ll let most the instances flow by like a river as long as they are not too extreme. I despise human actions which result in harm to other human beings.

Science has come a long way over the centuries and we have what I believe are some relatively (no pun intended) simple theories about what makes the Universe tick. We think they are pretty deep and informative, but I’m not really so sure about that. What we think we know might not even be close to right. We may be way wrong. Humans are smart in a human way, but perhaps in a Universal way we are still just babies.

There’s umpteen theories about what happens to us humans after we die. We place a huge amount of emphasis on those theories. I think I’ve read about most of them. I’ve read about some of them extensively.

I lay there at night sometimes and I think, and I puzzle and I worry and sometimes I pray and sometimes I don’t. I try my best every day to do what my conscious tells me is right, especially over the past 5 years or so. I try to take care of my grandchildren in a kind way, and I love them and my children and all of my family. That’s about the best I can do.

So…I’ll take what I get when my time comes.

I expect at the very least to have a long peaceful sleep.