Author: thegraymaniac

We are all made from a pattern. A very closely related pattern. The pattern of the human species.

Perhaps all of us are like a blank coloring page. Those of us in the same family have the most similar pages, a lot of the same blank squiggles. Identical twins have the most similar pattern, thus the most similar pages. Once the pattern is made, and the die is cast that part of our page cannot be changed. From the human coloring book our page is selected. From the different sections of the book, our page is chosen.

But then the differences begin. What is simply penciled in to begin with, begins to be colored by our experiences. By our environment comes some color. How much we are loved or not loved. We begin to see ourselves in shades and hues that are of our own choice. We go down different paths seeking the tones which we think match our own personal color palette, and unexpected changes sometimes take place. There are no erasures, but you can color over some spots…but that mostly tends to leave gray areas. Our choices are our own, but always within the confines of the page we are given.

Some even color outside the lines, but that tends not to work out well, although rarely something brilliant is formed.

That page IS us, and we work to fill in the blanks all our lives. Many of us choose to replicate another blank page in the process of our own work. Takes two intersecting to accomplish that. In the end we all get to where we get before our crayons are taken away.

But really, human life is about much more than our genetics and our experiences, and our interactions. It’s about much more than being born, and living a life with other people, and dying, isn’t it? If it’s not about more than that, why not just take a black sharpie and color it all in?

Life is about touching and being touched. It’s about expressing your joy and your sadness.

It’s about the first time your child smiled at you, or said your name. Or about their first step, or their first game, or their graduation or their wedding.

It’s about breaking things in anger. It’s about regrets and victories. It’s about finding someone with whom to share your journey.

It’s about reading a good book, or baking a cookie and eating some of the raw dough. It’s about loss and how you cope with it. It’s about sorrow and if you can pick yourself up and go on from that pain.

It’s about the spark of light we are all given…yes given, we cannot take it on our own. We may be the product of eons on the drawing board of nature, but without that spark we are nothing but a pile of carbon stardust waiting to be blown away by some solar winds.

So hold someone’s hand tomorrow. Kiss them if you can. Remember that even the meanest of people started out exactly the same way you did, but somewhere, sometime…somehow, something went wrong.

Life is like brown sugar in the mouth of a baby. Sweet and melting with the warmth of their little bodies. Sticky, yummy and good.

Life is the breeze on which the Monarch rises high into the sky and flies thousands of miles every year in order to propagate and survive.

It is a thunderstorm and an old patched quilt on a front porch swing…and the music of a violin on a sweltering New York City night.

It is a first kiss and a final kiss…and every one in between. A touch or a caress; hurried or languished for hours. Its inconsolable grief and monumental happiness.

It is all of these things. I have seen and experienced them and cry for more! More to come no matter how long or how short, I will bask in them. I will revel in them.

The beat of life…and the beat of our hearts..

It goes on every day. Don’t let it pass you by without noticing. Don’t let today pass you by today without loving it.

If I could fly, oh if only. Human beings have yearned to fly since they first caught sight of the birds in the air thousands of years ago. Jealous of their freedom.

Icarus and Daedulus tried and failed from getting too close to the sun. DaVinci drew plans for the Ornithocopter, but it never was built. Too busy paint Mona Lisa?

And oh I do know the Wright brothers gave us a flying machine to ride in, but that is not the same.

R. Kelley sang: “I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky.”

But it was all metaphorical.

“I’ll Fly Away, Oh Glory” ….but will I really? When I was a child, I used to dream of flying. Not in a plane or copter, but just spreading my arms and soaring. God, those were good dreams. I wish I could dream them again, but it’s been years. When I was a child, I thought and spoke like a child. But now I am grown and must put away childish things. No more Peter Pan, fairy dust and Neverland.

But I do wish I could fly. I’ve had some well wishers want me to give it a try as they have frequently asked me to go jump off a cliff, but thankfully I never did.

I think perhaps when that spark which resides within us all takes leave of this vehicle it is in, I will get my wish. I hope I can at least look back over my shoulder and see the trees and mountains and lakes and rivers one last time. That’s not asking for much considering all the hours I have put in here at the “office” is it?

I don’t think so.

Lying is now an accepted way of life. People of all ilks try to see how much they can “get away with” when it comes to untruths. Social media such as Twitter and Facebook have exponentially increased the number of lies that are published on a daily basis, coming from the top down, among all manner of people.

Our world today is accurately described by Isaiah’s description of ancient Israel:

“None calleth for justice, nor any pleadeth for truth: they trust in vanity, and speak lies; they conceive mischief, and bring forth iniquity.”

How then can we continue to survive in the modern world?

We can look again to the knowledge of the ancient text of Proverbs

. It tells us to trust in God with all our hearts; and lean not unto our own understanding. If we will acknowledge him, he will direct our path.

If we acknowledge God, and accept that we cannot understand how he created us, or our world, I believe he will give us the understanding we need to navigate the mind field of lies we must navigate every day we live in this modern world.

If we chart our course through life nowadays, based on what we think is true, we will certainly be deceived. Look around you, and you can see it happening every day, “tweet after tweet”. I don’t think God deals with us through Twitter. I think he still deals with us through our hearts.

What do you think?

Where are your memories?

I know people say we should “live for today” or “the present is all that matters”. But I don’t think so.

On some days, like today, my memories are all that sustain me. The present doesn’t work the best for me, and living for today is like an October dust devil…swirling through and kicking up leaves. It’s here and gone before you can even identify it.

More than anything else in my life, my biggest fear is losing my memories, forgetting where I’ve been, and who I’ve touched and kissed and loved. Losing me.

One of my older friends at Trade day took a nasty fall today. He said it was just a weird blank feeling, and he fell and pulled over his table while I was standing there and spilled his things. As I was helping him pick them up he kept saying he just didn’t know what had happened. There was a look in his eyes. Seventy six, just lost his wife this year. An uncertain look.

Then this afternoon I found out my Eli took a nasty fall at school and busted his chin on the pavement. He looked so pitiful and frail this evening when I saw him, and that same uncertain look in his eyes. He will remember that spill all his life, just as I remember riding my tricycle down the steps of our house when I was four and busting open my forehead. He will for sure remember this.

My older trade day friend may not remember his fall too long. He will for sure not have the chance to store it in his vault of remembrance near as long as Eli will his. And so the difference that seventy some odd years make. A lifetime started, a lifetime lived, and the memories are what makes the life. They are us, and we are them.

Where are your memories? I can still find mine most of the time right now, and for that I am so very grateful.

Remember my friend, and little Eli. They both need healing thoughts.

I got to thinking about the old saying that “life is just mind over matter….if you don’t mind it don’t matter!” Now I now that’s supposed to be funny, but really it’s kind of true. If you don’t mind what people say about you, it don’t matter. If you don’t mind you don’t have as many possessions as others around you, it don’t matter. If you don’t mind that someone cuts you off in traffic, it don’t matter. If you don’t mind you’ve gained a little weight, it don’t matter. If you don’t mind there’s a little dust on the furniture, it don’t matter.

The things that DO matter are our peace of mind, and happiness, and our relationship to the people and the world around us.

It matters how we treat our family and our friends. It matters if we help someone who asks for it, but also it matters when we help someone who needs it and DOES NOT ask for it…cause some people who need help are too proud to ask and some are so far gone, they cannot ask.

It matters if we care about humanity….not just American humanity but ALL of humanity.

So today don’t mind about the loudmouth in the aisle ahead of you at Walmart talking on their cell phone about things best kept private, it don’t matter. Don’t mind about what the talking heads on TV are telling you, in the long run it won’t matter. Don’t mind if so and so don’t agree with your politics, or pulls an online rant on you, in a month or a year, or in 100 years it…won’t…matter. Period.

Do mind about telling someone you love them…that does matter. Do mind if you help somebody who is sick, or feed someone who is hungry, that does matter. Do mind about hugging your kids, and your old people. Do mind about dealing with those around you with kindness. Those are the tenets of living which will live on far beyond us all. That is the morality upon which an unbreakable civilization will one day be founded, and out of which a new paradigm of life will emerge.

If you’re a Christian, read the gospel and do what Jesus says. If you’re an atheist treat others with integrity, compassion, and understanding. If you are of any religion, stand for the good which all religions include…don’t make up you’re own rules. Don’t surround yourself with hatred. Don’t think that revenge will end with the last person who acts with revenge in mind. It won’t. An eye for and eye only ends up making everyone blind.

Perhaps I am naive to think these things. To think that we will be able to solve our own human problems by our own human selves. But I do

I really do.

Take everything you know or think you know, and do a “role reversal” in your mind.

Now, think about it for a while…….is it possible that we (as human beings) are wrong about some things? Is it possible we are wrong about some people, or groups of people?

Is it possible…could it possibly be possible, that we are just not thinking?

One thing that I make sure and do on a daily basis is to say out loud: “I will not let hate and fear rule me!” I know that if anyone actually saw me, they might think that’s pretty weird. But, my opinion is that “vocalizing” our thoughts makes them more of a reality then just thinking them in our heads. I also really believe that part of our problem in this society is that we do not vocalize our thoughts and opinions enough to other, actual in the flesh people. We have a habit of expressing our thoughts and opinions here in cyberspace, and it’s just…not…the…same, as having a conversation in person.

For most people, excepted for the dedicated and practiced “entertainers” in our world who are adept at acting out and inciting others…for most people though, besides those entertainers…it’s harder to express hatred and fear to somebody’s face, than it is to write it out on this digital page.

Most of us are not of the mindset yet, to act out hatred and loathing by performing actual deeds of violence in person against other people…although, the instances of those who are doing so is becoming a more common occurrence. People who are on the fence….on the cusp of doing violent acts against other people, are often pushed beyond the edge of inaction to the tragedy of real action, by things they read, hear or come in contact with via the virtual world.

I hope that it doesn’t get worse. I fervently wish that we can all start to again become more communicative with each other in person, face to face. I want for there to be a world for my children and grandchildren to inhabit, in which they have a chance to live and enjoy themselves the way I have….the way we have.

If we think, like I said at the first of this post….if we think about just not ourselves, but of those who come after us in this world, maybe we can solve some of the severe problems which we are now encountering. Listen to your heart, your own heart…not the rhetoric of anyone who wants to sway you away from what you know in your heart is right.

We are all simply layer after layer upon layer of emotional content, which is spilled out upon the canvas of life…day after day after day.

Some layers go down smoothly, with nary a wrinkle..and you may have quite a few good ones in a row, before a messed up, old crumpled layer comes around and rumples up your pile!

Then it takes a lot of smoothing over before that layer is buried way down deep. A wind may come along every now and then an turn up your edges, and you recall that bad day.

Some of our journeys go better than others. Depends upon a lot of things. Some have a lot more wrinkled up layers than others.

I really don’t know why things are the way they are, all I know is that it’s quite a ride….it’s quite a process this “living life”.

I look forward to another layer of life tomorrow. Perhaps I’ll see some of you, and we can work on this big old jig saw puzzle together. I hope so.

In all of human history there has been no time like now. The only thing which sometimes bothers me is the tiny shiver which runs up my spine thinking about where “now” is.

We live in a world where smart humans have subjected the other 98% of we less technical and scientific “normal” humans to such dangers as nuclear weapons, nuclear power plants, overuse of chemical agents for war, agriculture and insecticides, massive military forces, industrial pollution, poison industrial byproducts, germ warfare, and political strife over land ownership by countries and individuals.

As on of my friends stated just yesterday, homo sapiens may be the very first species to precipitate its own extinction. It’s a sobering and distressing thought. There has never been a time like now.

A time of practically instant communication. A time of world travel which is so quick, that there is no longer a real sovereignty of nations. A time when human knowledge has outpaced our capabilities and the morality of the human psyche to be able to exercise constraint in our dealings with one another, so we therefore treat each other badly.

We are at a crossroads where the spiritual part of humanity’s brain must be nurtured and nursed into a state where a deeper and more compassionate conscious develops. We have to somehow develop a system of learning which fosters the responsibility for our existence faster than our capacity for self destruction. How do we do this?

We turn the keys of power over to the new generation of young leaders who are rapidly developing not only in America, but all over the world. Our children and grandchildren who are anxious to overcome the problems this generation has created, and to create a more harmonious world. They are out there, and we must step out of their way, and demand this generations crop of old and dishonest leaders move out and give the new crop time to grow. It won’t be easy, but I believe it’s our best chance.

Otherwise turn out the lights, the parties over.

“When I was a kid I watched a black and white TV, Cowboys on that tiny screen were like superman to me.”

The opening line in a song I wrote a while back. I loved that old Philco television with the round dial that had the numbers 1 through 13 on it. We only got three channels back then though. All 3 out of Chattanooga. I thought the world emanated from there.

My world was small back then.

I worried over nothing. Then suddenly I grew up. The world became a complicated and dangerous place. People hate each other for every possible reason. Makes me think of the song “Every day People” by Sly and the family Stone. Google it and read the lyrics. They say it all. Hate…

Sometimes I wonder if there will ever be a day when humans are at peace with one another. When Jesus comes back? When the Aliens come back? When the two mile comet hits us? When the bombs fly? When will we learn? When will we ever learn? (Dylan)

I swear to you, I will be at peace with anyone and everyone who will be at peace with me. I swear I hate nobody for no reason.

I’d like to go back to that small world for a day. Watch Hoppy and Roy and Gene. They had guns….yes that’s true. They always got the bad guys. You knew who was who because one wore white hats and one wore black. Now, you can’t tell. It’s all so muddled. It’s all so complicated. We have made it that way.

Can we undo the damage we’ve done? Can we leave a world for our descendants? I’m gonna sleep on it and hope I dream a solution.

Don’t lose hope.